Why I'm A Pushy Mother

We all just want our children to be happy, but what exactly causes happiness?

And what causes high life satisfaction?

Friends, family and hobbies are the first things that spring to most people's minds, but they're only part of the picture.

Research by Churchill Fellow Michele Juratowitch has uncovered something fascinating:

For 'gifted' students, happiness = challenge.

Michele explains that when challenged, students enter a state of flow that is associated with increased happiness.

So why do some people underachieve, leading to poor self-reported life satisfaction?



Juratowitch thinks Gagne's model provides some insight into the problem.

Some children might not experience the environmental support, interpersonal catalysts or optimal developmental processes to derive maximum 'talent' from their innate 'giftedness'.

Unfortunately, Michele points out, in Australia there is an even more subtle reason for academic underachievement.

Researchers in Australia and the USA have tested personality profiles for acceptability and found that...

• 'Average intelligence + non-studious + athletic' = highest acceptability
• 'Brilliant intelligence + studious + non-athletic' = lowest acceptability
• BUT 'brilliant intelligence + non-studious + athletic' ranks highly.  

Juratowitch was quick to point out that these findings apply to Australia and the USA, not necessarily to other cultures.

So, academic achievement might be sacrificed for social integration, in Australia at least.

Maybe that's okay, if social integration is more important to you than academic achievement.

But it's sad when people experience lowered life satisfaction as a result of underachieving, or less happiness due to a lack of challenge in their lives.

There must be a way to have both social integration and some studiousness.

I discussed this with my Year 6 son, S-Man, and he approached it from a mathematical and evolutionary point of view, relating it to left-handedness.  Read Woo's Wonderful World Of Maths to learn more about why left-handedness confers an evolutionary advantage but isn't dominant in our society.

If you want to learn more about the complicated field of experienced happiness and life satisfaction, I highly recommend Thinking Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman.

I also urge you to attend one of Michele Juratowitch's workshops if you get the chance, for a much more in-depth look at the issues.

After the fantastic seminar by Juratowitch, I had a conversation with S-Man about where he might want to head next with his maths education, so that he remains challenged.

"I don't want to push you," I said, "I want you to take all the time in the world with your education and to really enjoy it.  There's no rush.  I don't want to be a 'pushy mother'."

His reply was immediate and vehement, and wouldn't have surprised Juratowitch one bit:  "No, push me, push me!  I want to be pushed, mum!"

By which I think he really meant I WANT TO BE CHALLENGED!

I have great faith in my children and in children in general.  I trust that if we challenge them and give them some responsibility they will rise to the occasion.  And they'll be all the happier for it.

Can you be TOO involved with your child's education?

My opinion is yes, you can!  That's called 'doing it for them'.  Or living vicariously through them.

We parents don't need to do school, we've done it.  Now it's their turn, to make their own mistakes and figure out how to rescue themselves from them.

It's only fair that parents should get to have a life.  I want to work at my paid jobs, spend time with my grandmothers while they're still around, catch up with my friends, exercise, engage in my hobbies, make the world a better place, not to mention carry out the necessary tasks of scaling Mt Washington, picking up dog poo, and putting nutritious meals on the table....  like beer mousse...  mmmm... beer mousse...

Actually the beer mousse was disgusting, but I digress.

Speaking of chores, one final point worth noting on the topic of happiness is that adults who report having done chores as children are actually happier.  It pleases me to quote that at my children on a regular basis!

Thanks for reading, and please let me know your thoughts in the comments!  Are YOU a pushy mother?

Looking for ways to develop personal and social capababilities in your children?  Head on over to this post.